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Eremophobia — An inability to Bear Living in One’s Own Skin

A poem on suicide and addiction — sometimes those who die are the ones who helped us live

I hate you darkness
I hate you pain
I hate the shadows
Can’t feel the rain

You steal our souls and bind us
You shield us from the light
Make everything we love so much seem like it’s not in sight

You make our friends and family
Put poison in their veins
You tell us we should give up cuz we’ll never be the same

We know there’s light that some have found
You kick us back down to the ground

We search
We pray
We work
Have faith
We’ll take this with us to the grave

We know there’s a solution
That others freely give
But they say some of us die for the rest of us to live

Sometimes I can’t accept this
Who really gets to choose?
Who says which lives will be saved?
Or which ones we will lose?

Sometimes it is the pure ones
The ones who saved my life
I wake up just to find out it was them who lost the fight

I can use this to get sicker
I can stay stuck in the pain
But they say there are no rainbows without a little rain

Don’t shield me from my process
Don’t tell me not to feel
If I have learned anything I know to keep it real

If Jef was here he’d tell me.. to keep my head held high
He’d tell me to move forward and help others see the light

I remember when I sat there the day our close friend died
He put his arms around me and held me while I cried

He said if he knew one thing
One thing our friend would give
He knew our friend would give his life if it would help us live
So now I will stand up
Get through another day
I know he is beside us
As we walk through this pain

Written by Holly Kellums © November 24, 2014

In loving memory

Jef ❤ 6.16.65 to 11.23.14

Originally published privately among friends and family on social media and read at Jef’s funeral service

Published by hollykellums

Internationally Published Author * Influencer * Recovery Coach * Human Potential Activist

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